Innocence

When did you lose your innocence, young one?
And stop believing then that life could be fun?

When tears were abundant, and it was easy to cry...
has the harshness of this world made your eyes dry?

Or is that state of your own making, in some part,
as mistakes and sins make hard your heart?

Did you find out that sometimes people have no shame,
who when caught will start to play games of blame?

Or did your faith in goodness go little by little
as you began to find everyone harsh yet brittle?

Where has it gone, that sense of play and joy...
where you would be like a kid with a new toy?

Did it really have to go when you grew up?
or were you externally pushed to tough up?

If only I can show you that it needn't be like this
and you can trust others without feeling at risk

but if you've been hurt too much to not be cynical
then of my efforts you can, will only be critical

So by my own example, I'll hold the door for you,
and wait in total certainty, one day you'll come through.

Designed by Apple in California, Part III

OK, this is getting silly now.

I've documented how I went about upgrading to Snow Leopard, and my experiences regarding the iPad, both of which were in some way justifiable, but I didn't think I'd be writing the third of the trilogy regarding the new iPhone. I barely even use a phone - in September of last year, I ended my mobile contract with O2, and never noticed the difference. I'm either at home, or at work, so never really need to use a mobile. However, I've long admired the iPhones, and whilst never contemplating actually having one, have thought the iPhone 4 to be a remarkable upgrade in terms of both aesthetic and functionality.

Something weird happened though. Somehow, filial and fraternal goodwill culminated in the possibility of me being gifted a brand new iPhone, and all I'd have to cover was my own costs of running the device. Even then, I still wasn't sure I wanted one. But I decided to go for it anyway - I would never be able to afford buying an iPhone outright, but I can definitely cover £15 a month for 12 months.

So, launch day approacheth, and like before my brother and I were off early to the Apple Store. Despite having left earlier than when we did for the launch of the iPad (which, remember, is still less than a month ago), we weren't first in line. We were 12th and 13th. This despite being there at 5:45AM. Which I suppose can be taken as a reasonable indicator of the iPhone's popularity as against that of the iPad. At the Apple store, people were split into two queues: those who had reserved their iPhones, and those who had not. The subtle message from Apple: reserve next time, please.

The splitting into two queues led to a thinning, and me and my bro were now 6th and 7th. They actually started letting people in early, at 7:30 AM instead of 8:00, but only in ones and twos. Apparently people who weren't buying the pay-as-you-go phones needed to sign up for contracts, with all the hassle and credit checking and other stuff that comes with that, taking roughly 20 minutes each. And some decided they wanted two. So the line moved very, very, slowly, one person from the reserved queue, one from the unreserved, again in stark contrast to when we bought the iPad, where it look less than 5 mins from entry to exit.

Eventually, we were let in, at 9, and were sorted by 9:20. And it's truly an awesome device. All the Apps I have downloaded for the iPad were saved on my computer, so I could install the ones I wanted without fuss, and get some new ones. Ditto for all the free books I got - they're saved on my computer, so just drag and drop onto the iPhone. Reading on the iPhone is incredibly crisp and sharp - I can't tell the difference between reading on screen and print quality. It is that good. And now I can carry a copy of Walden in my pocket.

There are tons of other awesome features worth a mention, all to do with how the User Interface has been refined to almost intuitive perfection, but two stand out - the quality of the screen, and that of the camera. The camera is good enough to mean that I can safely get rid of my digital camera, and that I can record HD quality video means I need never buy a camcorder. The screen itself makes watching videos a pleasure - incredibly vivid, and very detailed. I watched my own YouTube videos on them (shameless plug for Video 1 and Video 2 here), and marvelled at the quality of the tiny screen. I could get used to this....

Anyway - I now have all that I could ever want in terms of material goods. I DONT WANT ANY MORE!!! I know Apple will release a new line of iPods and iPod Touches in September, but beyond an interest as to whether iPod Touches will keep their current design or change to harmonise with the new iPhone, there is nothing that will captivate me. Or so I think.

If another post shows up in a few months time with me claiming to have acquired new iPod Touch models as well, I challenge anyone to call me on it. The first person to do so will get my new iPhone mailed to them (UK only), safely bubble-wrapped and everything.

I'm serious.

That aside, I'm quite grateful to have been gifted one, and hope to use it for as much good as possible. InshaAllah

Rajab...

After reviewing my previous posts on this topic (one year and two years ago), I'm not sure that anything I say will not have already been said before. But yet I feel I need to write a post about it, to express something to show that I'm grateful for seeing another of these months.

This is the month in which I was born, so I guess I would feel some affinity to it, but it's not just that. It's also not just that the Holy Month of Ramadhan is now only two months away, though that is important as well. I dunno. I am really, really happy that we are in the month of Rajab now, and really hope to utilise it for the best. Beyond which, as I say, everything else has already been said.

Potential....

The blessing is the seed of growth
Which only when nurtured right
begins to sprout root and shoot
and gravitate towards the lights.

The journey is fraught with risk
and the chance to fail also exists
yet whilst the road is never smooth
the end result can only be good

To err is human, and rightly so
for no one is perfect on their first go
yet after falling, to continue to try
gives us wings, that we learn to fly

The guides remain the two holy lights
and the journey is best made by night
with consistent action and pure intention
maybe one day we'll touch perfection

The iPad: A Hidden Bonus

Apple have two wildly successful online stores. One is their music store, which now serves movies and TV shows as well, and the second is their App store, where people download applications for their devices. Approximately 4 billion Apps have been downloaded from the store, which has been running for less than two years. That stat tells its own story.

It is, of course, easy to participate in both these ecosystems without paying a single penny, which is what I have done - Apple serves a lot of free audio and video in the form of podcasts and the much vaunted iTunes U. And it's worth looking into these - the ease with which one can get video from TED, listen to episodes of Radiolab, and get lectures from the world's best universities on just about any subject, for free, makes one wonder why such a system has only recently come about. And the App store is teeming with tons of free Apps, but whether many of these have any utility is worth questioning.

With the release of the iPad came a third online store - the iBookstore. And the initial figures suggest it will be a success as well. Within 2 months, it has captured 22% of the market, and that number can only get higher. The figure of 22% requires some explanation - it is not 22% of the whole market. Apple have partnered with 5 out of the 6 major US book publishing houses, and from ebook sales of their catalogue, the iBookstore accounts for 22%. As more publishing houses get on the iBookstore, and more iPads get sold, that number will definitely rise, and become more representative.

But, as with the other two stores, there is a way of getting value without spending a penny, thanks to Project Gutenberg. They have digitised a very substantial amount of all the out-of-copyright and free books, with the result being that pretty much all of the great classics are free to download and read. Imagine that. Shakespeare, Cervantes, de Montaigne, Descartes, Thoreau, Emerson, Dickens, Austen, Kafka, Pope, Wordsworth, Marx, Hegel, Nietzsche, Aristotle, Wilde, Bronte (x2), Dumas, etc. etc. All available for free. All held in a device smaller than a sheet of A4, that I can take with me wherever I go. Wow. (In the interest of objectivity, I should point out that Amazon's Kindle, as well as other ebook readers will be able to access the free catalogue as well)

Apple's iBooks App is not included with the iPad, but is available as a free download the first time you connect to the App store. And it comes free with Winnie the Pooh, which is a classic in its own right. But the very next book I downloaded? My absolute favourite - Thoreau's Walden. Followed by a mish-mash of stuff I have always wanted to read, that I tried to read when I was younger and gave up, and that I have read and loved. Check it out:


It's a trivial thing to some, and there is no doubt that other people will buy the iPad for other reasons, but this alone would justify the purchase price for a bookworm like me.

The Marriage Checklist

To be reviewed once a year, or as required. Also to be placed here for handy reference when someone asks me why I'm not married yet.


Hmm. Looks like my assumption of 5 years might actually be too optimistic. Ahh well. Never mind. Back to working on myself I go.

Juicing

Juice is probably the best beverage out of anything we can make. It has all the goodness of fruit - natural sugars, vitamins, etc, but doesn't have to be digested as much, as most of the fibre is gone, so can immediately benefit the body. What I do not like as much are the processed, manufactured juices. Whilst these are much better than pretty much anything else, they are preserved over long periods of time, which makes them inferior to freshly made juices.

There is a juice bar in one of the malls in the city centre. They make the juices right in front of you, and every time I've had a juice from there I've always felt remarkably uplifted, energised, and also tend not to feel hungry for quite a while. There is something tangible and real in this, and I feel that freshly made juice is probably as good as an alternative, if not better, to the high caffeine energy drinks, as well as to drinks like tea or coffee.

Anyway - such thoughts, as well as maybe the near-instant effect of juicing on physical condition and endurance had been gestating in my mind for a while until today, when my brother and I decided to spend a significant part of this morning juicing. We were at it for almost an hour, and produced nearly two litres of the stuff, which was fun. We somehow found ourselves with a lot of apples, so the base of the juice was made of apple. Then we added different combinations of other stuff - carrots, melons, oranges, cucumber (!), and the results were quite impressive.

Both of us agreed that the juice we made today was way better than anything we could get in the shops, and was as good as the stuff we could get in the juice bar. The combinations of different flavours was something, and the buzz we both got after having some was quite incredible.

So, I'm sold on juicing. I got my juicer about a year ago for under £20, and it gets the job done. I'm quite sure a lot is wasted in the pulp though, as my own limited research has shown that the higher priced masticating juicers are much more efficient in getting higher volumes of quality juice from fruit. But is it worth shelling out for a better one when mine does a reasonably decent job? I'm not sure.

However, whilst juicing was quite enjoyable, and the end result most definitely worth it, there is one part which seriously deters me from doing it again, despite the fact that I want to make this a regular practice...

The cleaning up afterwards.

Inventory - Part II

It is over a year since I wrote my inventory post. In the summer following, I was able to start on my clothes, as well as give away/ get rid of a whole amount of unnecessary stuff. But it remains, on the whole, undone. So, tomorrow, it begins again, in earnest.

In that post I covered most of the "why" aspects, in this I'll cover more of the "how", and other miscellaneous stuff. The intention remains the same. But it feels that this time, the right tool has arrived. Tomorrow, me and my brother will go from room to room and catalogue EVERYTHING. Some stuff like electronics, jewellery, clothing, etc will also have their own separate, room-independent lists. Everything will go on the iPad. Just like the last time, as much detail as possible will be taken, to facilitate as much scrutiny as possible.

Also, I want to be able to pull out the iPad when tempted with a new purchase, and be able to think "I really do like this, but I can't justify it, not when I still have...[swipe-swipe-swipe-swipe] 36 shirts - 37 if we count the cool one with detachable sleeves." (only kidding-I don't have one with detachable sleeves). But the point remains. And it will finally be a chance to use the gadget as a tool for producing instead of consuming.

As before, we expect this to take more than a few days, but it will be ok, and definitely worth it. The next step after the inventory will be thorough scrutiny, followed by a purge, followed by a simpler lifestyle. Once this is sorted, I plan on implementing a double-entry accounting system for my personal finances, as inspired by this post on Tynan's blog. 

For Another Friend

For TS.

We walked together for a while in peace
Kindred souls separated by the seas
Every other word spoken softly
Back and forth our conversation would flow
Now I see a fork in the road ahead
Heralding change, a parting of the ways
It is your path, you must go on it soon
Is it my fault I got so used to you -
That I don't want to say goodbye to you?
I know I must, that it's the right act now
Though wishing still more than fate will allow
It is only right that I let you go
At least I made for you a parting gift
Not much, but maybe these words will you lift
I'll miss you, and in time my heart will mend,
Though it was an honour to be your friend

----------------------

Goodbye. Go in peace. May God shower His blessings on you always and forever.

[Fiction] 10 Scars

I

What would I know of scars and pain? I have none. I'm serious. Not a single blemish upon the whole of my body, and were it not transgressing the bounds of modesty, I'd have no trouble showing them to you. Ooo - maybe my scar is in having no scar, which has made me complacent, reckless, and indifferent to risk. I have indeed led a charmed life, but I know that such luck has to run out eventually, and I'm not fussed about if and/or when I get my first scar. Maybe there'll be a really cool story behind it, or maybe it'll be a boring one. And maybe it'll be one that disfigures me horribly, or one that makes me look incredibly dashing. Who knows? I don't. And I don't care. But these guys next to me, you should definitely hear what they have to say. I promise you won't regret it.


II

This? It's just a scratch. Your eyesight must be quite good, not many people see it. That its on the inside of my wrist keeps it normally well hidden, and those who need to know about it already do. If you must know, I was duelling. None of that glorified "pistols at dawn" rubbish, but at a proper tournament. With swords. Proper swords. Like the one on the mantlepiece behind you. It was a lucky strike by my opponent in the quarter finals. Or maybe it was the semi-finals? No, the one from the semis is somewhere else. As you can see, it didn't stop me - I won the tournament anyway. Didn't I show you the trophy? No? Come this way - it's here somewhere....

III

Oh, these. It's a funny story actually - this designer was releasing a new line of accessories for this small trendy clothes boutique and I somehow managed to get in. Of course, by the time I got in, nearly everything was gone, but I saw a handbag. And wow. People had left it because it didn't suit their styles, but it was suitably quirky for me, and would go well with pretty much all the clothes I had. I reached for it, and my hand landed on it at the same time as someone else's. So obviously we had to fight for it. I got the bag, but I also got these scratches. Dunno why she wanted it anyway - her face looked like a bag. Ugh. And the bag? Totally worth it. Here - look at it. 10 years old, and still stylish. Do you like it?

IV

Really? I have a scar? Where? Oh, that. Well, that's not technically a scar, just some discolouration. But there is an interesting story behind that one. In the heady days of my youth, me and some friends decided that it would be cool to play squash doubles in a singles court. Yes, we were that cool. Anyway during the course of the game someone hit the ball with such force that the momentum forced his hand and racquet to swing all the way round and hit the guy standing behind him. In the face. Which was me. I had a swollen lip, which subsided within a week, and a concussed tooth, which my dentist gently hammered back into place. Of course, I was there next week, playing squash again, but this time we decided, very wisely, to stick to singles. I still dunno how the discolouration happened - maybe friction burn? In any case, I'm not complaining. It could have been much worse.

V

You're sure you want to know about that scar? I have much more interesting stories about some other scars.... no? OK. As you know, I love to carve. Give me a knife and a piece of wood, and something will come from it. This is also my stress breaker - when I'm carving, my mind becomes kinda blank, as I focus only on the wood and the knife, and try and follow my intuitive feelings about where to make the next cut. I don't plan ahead more than that -just make the next cut, then the next, and so on. So anyway, I got involved into an argument with someone, and was really, really angry. So I go for my escape, which is the carving, pick up a block, and start cutting. Only this time, it's not working, and I'm still angry. And instead of being gentle, and making soft, smooth cuts, I'm being rough, and fast with the blade. And then it gets stuck without making a complete cut. And without thinking, I just keep on increasing the pressure, till the wood gives, but the follow through cuts across the fingers behind the block. One neat line. They're shallow cuts, but still enough of a wake up call. I calm down completely, and tend to them, and then come back and try and see if I can salvage something out of what's left. And I can. Now, this isn''t the most beautiful carving I have made, or the most technically difficult, but it is the one I love the most. And - I no longer get angry. At all. You really should have asked about the other scars - their stories are much better.

VI

This one comes courtesy of the train companies. It's a nothing scar, and I didn't want compensation, but their legal people insisted. I gave it all away to charity anyway - I don't think its right to demand compensation or punish people who made an innocent mistake. Anyway, I was on the train from one big city to a small one when the train lurched randomly a full 5 minutes before it was due to leave. I was making my way to my seat when this happened, and lost my balance. Then I fell and hit my head on something hard. I don't recall what exactly, cause I lost consciousness for a few minutes. I woke up a few minutes later and was given exemplary care by all staff and a few first-aid trained passengers. By exceptional I do mean exceptional. There was minimal swelling, and only a tiny cut. They took my details, and it was only later, when I had already put it out of my mind, that the legal people contacted me to discuss compensation. Morons. Sometimes management in their ivory towers don't know how good their workforce on the ground floor are.

VII

This was lucky. I was just coming out of a supermarket and heading towards my car when an accident happened right in front of me. Some guy had lost control of his car, and crashed into another one just a few feet from where I was standing. It probably would have been better for him to turn the engine off and let gravity and friction do their work, but when people panic, they don't think clearly. Or have the blessing of hindsight. Anyway, it was at a low enough speed for the driver to escape without any serious wounds, just some bruising. Thankfully the other car was empty, otherwise it might not have ended so well. But end well it did. Both owners were fully comprehensively insured, and because of that, they were like best friends. Both probably got nice new cars out of it. And me? In the crash, a stray piece of glass hit and grazed me. it wasn't a deep cut, but it sure felt like one. It got sorted later, and I'm just glad nobody was badly hurt.

VIII

Ok, I'll tell you, but only on the condition that you ask my wife for the story as well - it will show you how two people who see the same thing will sometimes remember different bits of it. Agreed? OK. Now, I had always imagined that my wedding would be small. Really really small. 15 people, max. And if there was a way me and my wife-to-be could somehow skip the ceremony, then that would be even better. All that changed when I was unequivocally told that our guest list would be over 100. The majority of which would be women. Sometimes, I think women dress up to show off in front of each other. Anyway, yours truly was given the task of putting the 100+ invitations in the envelopes, and sealing them. I'm not sure if the adhesives on the back of the envelopes are lethal if licked in large doses. I should hope not, anyway. But, as luck would have it, I got a paper cut on the very last invitation. Weird, huh? the scar should have gone by now, but every time it gets close to healing completely, some accident happens that opens it up again. Doesn't bug me, but totally freaks her out. Now go ask her, and see what she says, and then tell me which version you prefer.

IX

Oh - I love telling this story. Always makes those who think too highly of me see that I am just human. And also good for a laugh, and some introspective amateur philosophising after the telling. So I'm walking down the street and this stunningly beautiful woman walks by. She's like "wow". And you're allowed one gaze, right? So I keep on looking, and as she passes me, I twist my head, yet keep on walking. And as I'm walking, I kinda begin to daydream, and...thud! There is a reason why you should be looking where you are going. I pick myself off the floor with a cut, a swollen head, and a bruised ego. Cut wasn't bad, but the pricking of the ego was. Especially when the girl in question laughed. Followed shortly by everyone else. From then on - I kept my gaze strictly lowered, and no such accidents have repeated themselves. See? You're laughing too. Now, if you were to start some amateur philosophising on life inspired by this story, what would you start with?

X

Mine? Oh you wont see mine. It's inside here. [He taps his chest.] It's an emotional scar. From the battlefields of the relationships between the genders. Everyone knows that women are more easily hurt, and so it is that men have to risk more the chance of finding their feelings unreciprocated. Would you rather be hurt in a large number of small doses, or a few really large ones? Me too. Of course, that doesn't stop us getting hurt in big ways either. And mine? I carry the shame of sporting with a young girl's feelings. She does carry half the blame, but I was older, and should have known better. She was ok, eventually. Self-blame, and self-hate isn't easy to live with, but since then I've never given less than 100% to everyone I love and everything I do. It's not often one gets to turn what was ugly in the beginning into something useful later on, but I think I've done ok. I doubt I've redeemed myself - still a long way to go. The pain is there every day, and I know I'll be redeemed when it stops, if it ever does.