Rebirth

I've been away at family for a few weeks.

My aunt, God bless her, has a very straightforward way of telling things to people, and so has told me quite a few things. A few home truths, if you will.

So not only have I got quite a bit of wisdom from her, but also my character flaws handed back to me, on a plate. As it happens, its just the sort of criticism I've been looking for, and Insha Allah I will overcome the said flaws, of which, thank God, there are not many.

But I also had my eyes opened in another way. I have been made aware of the debts, monetary and otherwise, that my family owes to other family members. Until then I was living in blissful ignorance. As such, any plans that I might have are gone. For example, unless something miraculous happens, it seems unlikely that I'll be going to Al-Asr.

[ASIDE]
This is remarkable on another level, as it illustrates an idea that I've been thinking of recently, on knowledge. Basically, there are levels of knowledge that one may obtain on any topic, from pure ignorance, and laymanship, to scholarship, and increasing on to absolute mastery of any topic. But the amount of knowledge you have can change the way you act. As such, in my situation, knowledge changes everything. I knew little or nothing, and started therefore to put money away for Al-Asr. I learned more, and decided that its not the best way to spend my money at this moment in time. Fascinating. Also provides me with a working method, where, whenever faced with problems, the best thing I should do is gather more data, as the best solution to a particular problem changes with the increase of knowledge. Obvious really, but some people need to see things properly before it is to leave an impression on them.
[/ASIDE]

Within a few days of learning all this, a plan has begun to form on the back of my mind, where I've begun to see what I need to do and how it needs to be done, and in what order etc, etc. Now just comes putting it into practice, which I estimate will take about two years. The recession will not make it any easier.

The timing is exquisite, as its in the holidays. So i have time to think and ponder and plan and strategise before I go forward, and hopefully hit the ground running in January.

Going for a Presence Walk.

Salams

So I read somewhere about going for a presence walk. It sounded like a good idea at the time, and I was able to put it into practice a few weeks ago.

So I came our of class quite late on a Tuesday, and decided to give it a go. I had nothing to lose, as i was only walking about 10 mins or so to where my lift was going to be waiting for me.

As soon as I started, I immediately noticed that my footsteps were too loud. not good. So I changed to near-silent pacing, remembering the hadith about how the earth admonishes the son of Adam on walking with pride.

All in a second.

I walk carefully, up a flight of stairs, and then another. I hear the sound of two people coming form behind me and overtaking me, for I have also slowed from my normal brisk pace to a more serene one. I can tell they are female from the sound their shoes make on the concrete. I'm keeping my gaze lowered until they pass. I feel some cool breeze on my cheek, and as I turn round a corner, the breeze increases. I like it.

I began wondering about how I was going to write this up. Then I realise that this isn't why I am doing the presence walk. So I force the thought to the back of my mind, and focus again on the world around me.

Again, all in a second.

It starts to drizzle lightly, but I'm not that worried worried about getting wet. I feel the drops falling on the only exposed part of my body, my head.

I feel very alert, and feel also that I should be offering praises and doing some dhikr. But Im not sure if doing so would affect the presence walk. After a few seconds of indecision, where I still haven't decided on an answer, I do some anyway, under my breath.

I walk past the SportsPark, and as I walk past the astroturf, I hear the unmistakeable sound of a football hitting a goalpost, or the crossbar. The rain picks up slightly, and I finish my journey where my lift is waiting for me.


****

This was well over two weeks ago, and I'm still surprised at how much I remember. I also don't know why my narrative morphed from past tense to present participle, but it feels better that way. I really felt awake during this walk, so insha Allah I'll be able to do another time soon.

My First Video!!!

Salams.

The first of many, Insha Allah.



Wasalam