Rebirth

I've been away at family for a few weeks.

My aunt, God bless her, has a very straightforward way of telling things to people, and so has told me quite a few things. A few home truths, if you will.

So not only have I got quite a bit of wisdom from her, but also my character flaws handed back to me, on a plate. As it happens, its just the sort of criticism I've been looking for, and Insha Allah I will overcome the said flaws, of which, thank God, there are not many.

But I also had my eyes opened in another way. I have been made aware of the debts, monetary and otherwise, that my family owes to other family members. Until then I was living in blissful ignorance. As such, any plans that I might have are gone. For example, unless something miraculous happens, it seems unlikely that I'll be going to Al-Asr.

[ASIDE]
This is remarkable on another level, as it illustrates an idea that I've been thinking of recently, on knowledge. Basically, there are levels of knowledge that one may obtain on any topic, from pure ignorance, and laymanship, to scholarship, and increasing on to absolute mastery of any topic. But the amount of knowledge you have can change the way you act. As such, in my situation, knowledge changes everything. I knew little or nothing, and started therefore to put money away for Al-Asr. I learned more, and decided that its not the best way to spend my money at this moment in time. Fascinating. Also provides me with a working method, where, whenever faced with problems, the best thing I should do is gather more data, as the best solution to a particular problem changes with the increase of knowledge. Obvious really, but some people need to see things properly before it is to leave an impression on them.
[/ASIDE]

Within a few days of learning all this, a plan has begun to form on the back of my mind, where I've begun to see what I need to do and how it needs to be done, and in what order etc, etc. Now just comes putting it into practice, which I estimate will take about two years. The recession will not make it any easier.

The timing is exquisite, as its in the holidays. So i have time to think and ponder and plan and strategise before I go forward, and hopefully hit the ground running in January.

Going for a Presence Walk.

Salams

So I read somewhere about going for a presence walk. It sounded like a good idea at the time, and I was able to put it into practice a few weeks ago.

So I came our of class quite late on a Tuesday, and decided to give it a go. I had nothing to lose, as i was only walking about 10 mins or so to where my lift was going to be waiting for me.

As soon as I started, I immediately noticed that my footsteps were too loud. not good. So I changed to near-silent pacing, remembering the hadith about how the earth admonishes the son of Adam on walking with pride.

All in a second.

I walk carefully, up a flight of stairs, and then another. I hear the sound of two people coming form behind me and overtaking me, for I have also slowed from my normal brisk pace to a more serene one. I can tell they are female from the sound their shoes make on the concrete. I'm keeping my gaze lowered until they pass. I feel some cool breeze on my cheek, and as I turn round a corner, the breeze increases. I like it.

I began wondering about how I was going to write this up. Then I realise that this isn't why I am doing the presence walk. So I force the thought to the back of my mind, and focus again on the world around me.

Again, all in a second.

It starts to drizzle lightly, but I'm not that worried worried about getting wet. I feel the drops falling on the only exposed part of my body, my head.

I feel very alert, and feel also that I should be offering praises and doing some dhikr. But Im not sure if doing so would affect the presence walk. After a few seconds of indecision, where I still haven't decided on an answer, I do some anyway, under my breath.

I walk past the SportsPark, and as I walk past the astroturf, I hear the unmistakeable sound of a football hitting a goalpost, or the crossbar. The rain picks up slightly, and I finish my journey where my lift is waiting for me.


****

This was well over two weeks ago, and I'm still surprised at how much I remember. I also don't know why my narrative morphed from past tense to present participle, but it feels better that way. I really felt awake during this walk, so insha Allah I'll be able to do another time soon.

My First Video!!!

Salams.

The first of many, Insha Allah.



Wasalam

I Don't Belong

I've been feeling kinda down since my grandfather passed away [please recite a sura fatiha for the benefit of the deceased]. Of course, death will come to us all, and its not about him going that I'm down - no one can question the wisdom of Allah.

but

I feel different. More than ever I sense that this world is fake, and the real world awaits. Maybe its the after-effect of listening to these lectures.

As an aside, in the Majlis given by Syed Naqvi after the burial, there was a wonderful analogy he used to describe the fact that death is inevitable. Imagine that one is a leaf of a branch during the autumn. One sees a fellow leaf fall. And another. And a third. It's not hard to connect the dots, so the leaf knows it will fall as well. And so it is that another obvious lesson is drawn from nature, only ever picked up by those who sit and contemplate on these things. Beautiful, eh?

Anyway, on the first Monday back I went early to uni, and looked at my [quite lengthy] to-do list...and thought...what's the point? If I can go at any time, as indeed I can, then surely I should not waste it when worship would be a better spend of my time. But then I also knew that I had committed to this course, and work is worship as well, so I should carry on. caught in between these two ideas, and consequently suffering from an analysis paralysis, as well as still feeling quite down generally, I ended up doing nothing. A whole day gone, wasted.

I looked around me. The place was teeming with other students happily chatting over beverages of some sort, or, in the odd instance, actually working. They don't seem to care about death. Truly, ignorance is bliss. But this only seemed to reinforce the feeling I was sensing..that this world is fake, and the real world, and real happiness awaits. I also felt a corresponding sense of alienation...I don't belong here.

I feel now that I have to wind up my affairs as much as possible, so that, were I to go suddenly, It would cause the minimum amount of trouble for my family. I have to finish my will. And start paying back debts that I owe. I have to make sure I never pass up opportunities to do good. I have to always be aware of time passing. I have to get rid of a lot of my possessions.

I have to live up to Sermon 193. I will try to find solace in prayer and solitude.

But what of my long term goals? I have to structure them in such a way that were I to leave half way, again, it would cause the the minimum amount of trouble. I also have to pick only goals that are worth long term commitment.

But this raises another question. Bearing in mind the inevitability of death, and its unpredictability, what long term goals are actually worth pursuing? You might die tomorrow...why get married? Why commit to a 3 year degree course? Why pursue anything?

but

Looking at the lives of the Prophets and the Imams (as)..they all carried on with life, despite being more aware than either of us could ever be about death, and its inevitability, and unpredictability. All of them. I have to be careful not to allow this...this...newfound awareness of death become an excuse not to do anything. A sort of cowardice, if you will. I distinctly remember a hadith where a person asked an Imam (as) whether it was better to live alone and commit no sins whatsoever, through prevention, or living as an active member of society, where the potential/opportunity to commit sins is magnified. The answer was the latter. Jihad (struggle) over abstinence/isolation, in other words.

I guess my answer to my own question would be that it is no use worrying about the time of death. It is predestined. You will die eventually, and not knowing when is part of the test of this life, for if everyone knew when they were going to die...well, then the world would not be a place where we are tested.

As such, carry on with your life, and follow your projects, and try to achieve stuff, but keep this heightened awareness of death.
And only ever give your time to projects that are worth it.
And have faith that you will be taken at the time that is right for you. Allah knows all, and this would mean that there is wisdom in taking someone when he is in the middle of something.

I wrote this as the thoughts came to me, and so I guess that they lack any sort of refinement that a properly thought-out, planned post might be expected to have. Maybe it is normal for people who have experienced a bereavement to temporarily feel this way. I dunno. Maybe people who have recently become bereaved, to become contemplative, in order to try and make sense of it all. Again, I dunno.

All I do know, after all this, is what I have to do.

I probably will come back and look at this post in a couple of weeks time and see if I still feel this way.

Please pray for me, on the off chance that you actually read this far, and, for course, for my grandparents.

Amazing Lecture series

GET THEM!!

Listen to them!!!

only 3 hours in total

HERE

The Calm Before the Storm

Salams

I have a quite a few things to say..I hope I remember them all.

I have been away for most of Sha'ban, helping family. I feel closer to them, and am glad I went. We came home 2 days before the month of Ramadhan started, so we were quite lucky in that as well. I have been reflecting quite a bit, and have been blessed in that I don't have to start university yet.

Anyway, that's by way of introduction. I came across this thread on ShiaChat. What do you want to have done by 30? I gave my top 5 goals there, and here they are again:

Hajj

All Ziyarats

Learn Arabic + Farsi

Read about 500- 1000 books on just about everything (more if I can)

Marriage + children

As an aside, these goals would be the same for age 25. Another aside, the time is perfect..10 years is a nice round number to be dealing with. Which got me thinking about my goals for the next year. An on-the-spot list would be:

Secure a TC

Exceptional grades in this year's exams

Manage money issues

Certain spiritual targets.

Marriage (tentative)

Al-Asr 2009 (tentative)

Driving

Looks quite small. I'm quite surprised myself as I write this...I though that the list for this year would be bigger. Maybe I'm forgetting stuff, in which case I will add some later. (In case I change it later, first time round, I could only think the top four items.)

Anyway, this brings me round to my conclusion. Tonight is the 21st of the month of Ramadhan, and I start university tomorrow. Hence the title for this post, the calm before the storm. I have a few precious hours of solitude left, before I hit the ground running at university, and am glad for the chance to have been able to reflect before it all started.

WS

PS: Get two totally awesome sets of lectures here (the top 5 only) and here

New Art

ar-Rahman

It's finally done!

And I'm quite happy with it.

Enjoy

The Lantern of the Path

I found out recently that one of my favourite books, The Lantern of the Path, by Imam Ja'far al-Sadiq [as], may not be 100% accurate.

hmm.

The transmission chain is apparently not 100% reliable, and the book was recovered from sufis. However, it is still beautifully eloquent. And contains pearls of wisdom that could only have come from someone divinely inspired. So I will continue to read it. I just have to be very careful in making sure I do not attribute every single word as having coming from my blessed Imam [as].

It is 9 days into Rajab now, and whilst I haven't done much more than I used to before in terms of prayers, I feel a lot more calmer and peaceful. I hope this feeling remains.

I've discovered, or rather, rediscovered one of my favourite sets of lectures. These are on Irfan, by Shaykh Bahmanpour. This is the first set I downloaded. And I'm happy I've rediscovered them now, the timing is perfect.

Enjoy [link]

EDIT: I found another set of fantastic lectures, by Shaykh Arif AbdulHusayn, on the same theme, spirituality. [link]

Rajab

Rajab is here.

I was feeling...impatient (?) as the final hours passed, but now...I'm just happy to be in the blessed month.

Insha Allah I will be able to fast and pray a lot in this month... and improve my spiritually as well. 

God knows how much I need to....

Al-'Ajal, Al-'Ajal, Ya Mawlaya Ya Sahib uz-Zamaan

I've recently come across a very powerful recitation of Dua Ahad, which I now have on constant play. Recitation is by Sadiq Ahangaran:

I love especially the way the dua ends, from about 9 mins onward. I want to learn to recite like this.

To turn this YouTube into an MP3, go here

I've also made a related art:

Putting first things first

X marks the spot....

I've been wasting way too much time... Its time to revert back to the way I used to be.

The time management matrix above is a good place to start. basically, the things to do instead of procrastinating would be the important stuff in your life that are not urgent. They don't press you to do them, which is why you have to proactively do them yourself. If you don't... they become important as well as urgent, thus forcing themselves on you. As such, this can also be called crisis prevention. Often such things are the things that would really make a difference in our lives, but we do not do them, because we are overwhelmed with urgent stuff, whether it be important or not.

Credit for this ingenious paradigm goes to the Covey company.

Update: I showed someone this, and decided that something else needed to be added.

How to know what kinds of things go into the marked quadrant? Perhaps this story will help:

One day an expert in time management was speaking to a group of business students and, to drive home a point, used an illustration those students will never forget. As he stood in front of the group of high powered overachievers he said, "Okay, time for a quiz." Then he pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouthed Mason jar and set it on the table in front of him. Then he produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar. When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, "Is this jar full?"

Everyone in the class said, "Yes." 

Then he said, "Really?" He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. Then he dumped some gravel in and shook the jar causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the space between the big rocks. Then he asked the group once more, "Is the jar full?" By this time the class was on to him. "Probably not," one of them answered. "Good!" he replied. He reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in the jar and it went into all of the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question, "Is this jar full?"

"No!" the class shouted.

Once again he said, "Good." Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked at the class and asked, "What is the point of this illustration?" One eager beaver raised his hand and said, "The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard you can always fit some more things in it!"

"No," the speaker replied, "That's not the point. The truth this illustration teaches us is: If you don't put the big rocks in first, you'll never get them in at all." What are the 'big rocks' in your life? Your children; Your loved ones; Your education; Your dreams; A worthy cause; Teaching or mentoring others; Doing things that you love; Time for yourself; Your health; Your significant other? Remember to put these BIG ROCKS in first or you'll never get them in at all. If you sweat the little stuff (the gravel, the sand) then you'll fill your life with little things you worry about that don't really matter, and you'll never have the real quality time you need to spend on the big, important stuff (the big rocks). So, tonight, or in the morning, when you are reflecting on this short story, ask yourself this question: What are the 'big rocks' in my life? Then, put those in your jar first."

Again, from the wonderful guys at the Covey Company. I totally recommend reading their book on time management, called 'First Things First'. I'm sure they'll be able to explain it a lot better than I did, I who still am yet to implement what I know....

Some Art

Salams.

I have two pieces of art to share with you. One i have been working on for quite a long time, and the other took a few days.

This is the first:

I have had the background for weeks, but been unable to do put anything proper in the centre, until I tried the flamey effect and the line at the bottom. It worked and I really am happy with it.

The line says, "All praise is to Allah, who has blessed us with the Wilayat of our Sayyid and Mawla Ali bin Abi Talib (AS)". This is what one of my favourite lecturers, Syed Ammar Nakshawani, recites at the beginning of every one of his lectures. I thought it sounded good and put it, and later when i found out what the words meant I was happy at how well it fit.

This is the second:

I am happy with how this one turned out. Enjoy.

See my other stuff here