Wednesday, 14 November 2012

Muharram 1434

There's a metaphor in the book called Lubb al Lubab (Kernel of the Kernel). It goes something like this, modified a bit by me: (Please don't think I've read the whole book. I haven't. However, I'm still going to recommend it.).

Imagine a muddy/dirty glass of water. If it is in a calm place, not disturbed at all, eventually the dirt and stuff will begin to settle down. One may even be able to see through it. The very top layers of the water may even be regarded as clean. But if a little disturbance were to happen, then all the dirt will rise from the bottom, and the water will again show itself to be dirty. For the water to be completely pure, the gunk and junk needs to be extracted or filtered out.

Is this me? I'm worried that it is.

A little spiritual recharge in Muharram/Safar and the Months of Rajab/Shaban/Ramadhan, where I begin to be a bit more tranquil, more religious, more pious, more settled... but I haven't really worked on myself, and so all the improvements I make are merely surface improvements. Then I get a trial, be it minor or major, and my true colours surface, and it turns out I never really made as much gain as I thought I did...just that in the absence of trials, I allowed myself to believe I had made progress.

-------

Alhamdulillah, for the first time in nearly a decade, I will, inshaAllah, be commemorating Muharram as part of a community. Maybe even as part of two communities, if things work out my way. Imagine that. I never thought this would happen a year ago.

I need to make sure...I _HAVE_ to make sure, that this Muharram will be different. This blessing in particular should not be wasted. Muharram needs to stay with me for longer than it's physical days.

I guess, in the end, only time, and trials, will tell.

Ya Hussain (as)

Sunday, 30 September 2012

Alhamdulillah

Salams.

I'm just feeling extremely grateful, for so many things right now.

Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

And so on.

And that is all. I am super super busy right now, stretching myself as hard as possible with around 7-10 different projects going on at any one time, but it's worth it.

Till next time, inshaAllah

Friday, 31 August 2012

[Fiction] 1000 Words, (A Challenge)

A challenge between myself and http://widerworld-inspired.blogspot.co.uk to each write 1000 words on overcoming loss.

Please read her entry here, and also the story of how this came about. Feedback on both is always appreciated.

------------

We ran over a rabbit one day. I don't know how to make it sound any better. Nor am I sure that I want to, in any case. It was an accident, of course. The poor creature ran in front of the car, and the driver had no time to stop, or change course. In the rear view mirror I saw it twitching and jerking in pain.

There was little traffic, and we were on a side road anyway, so it was easy to change course and come back. We didn't actually know what we were going to do when we got there, but we couldn't just leave it there. Maybe we could call an emergency helpline, if such existed for animals, or take it to a vet ourself, or find something else to do. Leaving it there was unacceptable, and such thoughts didn't cross our minds at all.

The choices didn't matter as much as we thought they did. It had died in between the few minutes that it took to return to the spot. The only thing to do was to bury the creature somewhere so that other cars wouldn't just run it over heedlessly. Of course, this task fell to me.

The way the poor thing looked so helpless before I picked it up, the softness of its fur as I gingerly, gently, tried to lift it up, the few splotches of blood that I saw dotted at random places, the way I could feel a few bones through the fur when I lifted it, the lifelessness of the eyes that gazed back at me, contrasting with how the body was still warm in some places, these all remain with me. They haunt me.

I lifted it to a patch of earth that ran parallel to the road. I dug the grave with my own hands, and buried it. It wasn't the best burial. It was the first time I had actually buried anything by my own effort. I wasn't sure whether a prayer of some sort should be uttered or not, but I said some under my breath anyway.

Our journey, which had been lively before, was inverted afterwards. A sombre mood prevailed, and whatever conversation we could attempt to make was halting and stuttered. In the end, we gave up, and each sought the solace of our own thoughts instead.

Death and life happen all the time, but seeing it up close tends to have a focusing effect on the mind, as all else fades away. I would like to say that I kept my mental composure afterwards, but saying so would be wrong. The opposite. The best I can say is that I tangentially flitted between thoughts related to each other, eventually coming full circle to my original thoughts again and again. And again.

I wondered why I felt so bad at the death of some creature I barely knew, that had been in my life for maybe a quarter of an hour, if that. And then wondered why I was thinking such thoughts - maybe I was losing my humanity in thinking so. It would be ironic indeed if that were to be the case, and it takes the death of an animal to illustrate that to me.

I wondered at the timing of the incident. It all happened in a matter of seconds, and a matter of seconds could have prevented it as well.

Had the rabbit ran even 5 seconds earlier, or 5 seconds later, it would have made it to the other side of the road, and still be alive. Maybe it would have died soon after at the hands [sic] of a predator, but thats by the by. Had we travelled a fraction slower at any point of the journey, the incident would, again, not have happened.

The odds of running over an animal are very slim. Not impossible, but very improbable. It maybe wasn't meant to happen, but I tried to seek comfort in thinking that it might have. Maybe I was supposed to derive some meaning, some insight, some lesson from the incident.

I thought again, over how I was able to bury the rabbit. I have trouble with icky stuff. It's how I've always been. And yet, it didn't matter at the time. I did what needed to be done. Maybe all the things I fear doing are just self-limiting beliefs, and if I needed a good enough reason, the fears would fade away? Maybe I got lucky this time, because what I had to do was obvious and was right in front of meĆ¢€¦ but would I have that luxury in other areas of life, as black and white become instead a myriad of shades of grey?

I reflected on my external composure, at the time, which masked internal chaos. Would I have been so composed had I been burying my own parents, or my sibling, or a close friend? I honestly didn't know the answer, though I knew very much what I wanted the answer to be, or what the answer should be.

Finally, I thought about the fragility of life on this earth, in which so many variables can combine in an unbelievable amount of ways to lead to a mind boggling number of potential outcomes. Some of which lead to death. Actually, all lead to death, just some paths sooner than others.

Life is precious, life is fragile, life is unexpected. And death is always round the corner. We know this, but we always need to be told again. Such is life, and humans are so.

When finally alone that day, I shed a few tears for an animal I had never known, and determined to act upon my reflections. Within a few weeks, the whole incident was forgotten, until I randomly recalled it and started to write this.

Such also is life, and humans also are so.

-------------

Half fiction, half fact. But which is which?

Saturday, 18 August 2012

Ramadhan Reflections.

In His Name, the Most High

This has been the best Shahr Ramadhan I have ever experienced. The best. And yet, already before the month is gone, people are bemoaning it's upcoming loss, and wishing they could stay within the fold of the Holy Month even one day longer. And I don't blame them. I feel the same. For all the benefit I have gained, I could always have gained more.

So, where to go from here? An idea hit me that was simple, and yet profound. Rather than considering our years to be from January to January, or even Muharram to Muharram, we should make a conceptual shift and consider that our year starts and ends with the Holy Month of Ramadhan, and, more specifically, begins and ends with the nights of Qadr. It is on the nights of Qadr that our destiny is decreed, and it is written whether we shall see the next Holy Month of not. And what better way to face the other months of the year than starting with a positively charged soul, fresh, and energised from 30 days of seeking closeness to Allah?

I will be sad to see the Holy Month go, but more than sadness, I feel extremely grateful, and privileged to have been invited to be a guest of Allah (literally - this year I went for itekaaf. Twice).

Alhamdulillah.

Alhamdulillah.

Alhamdulillah.

So, I will not complain, loudly, to others that it is gone, but I will make this commitment, to try and show my gratefulness instead.

I am going to try, seriously, seriously try, more than I have tried previous times, to keep whatever I have gained from this Holy Month, and keep it with me throughout the next 12 months. There is a mix of habits and mannerism (external), and insights and inspirations (internal), but if feels to be more than that.

If we all can do that, hang on to something positive from this month, even if it may be small, then we know when the next Holy Month comes (if we are decreed to see it), if our present one has been a success. Thus, oddly, yet not oddly at all, the best way to gauge this month is 11 months from now.

I hope and pray that all who have gained from this month carry that gain to the next Holy Month, and that, should they do so, that all the Holy Months of their life take them on this virtuous cycle, continuously onwards and upwards.

inshaAllah.

------

Duas always accepted.

Sunday, 22 July 2012

[Fiction] The Orange Tree

The sound of the post slipping through the letterbox and gently thumping the carpet was the same as it was on other days, but this day contained something I could have done without. A letter from the local authorities telling me that one of the properties I owned was lacking in essential maintenance records for 10 years. If I did not show it was fit to live in within a month, it would be demolished. A glance at the address in question made me groan inwardly - the place was none other than the one I hoped it wouldn't be. It was the house my grandparents left me 10 years ago, and I had indeed not stepped inside for 10 years. With no real choice in the matter now, I decided I would stop by the old place after work that day.

---

My grandmother was the first to go, and my grandfather followed her a few months later. So close in life, that even in death they couldn't stand being apart from each other for very long. Or so the people said, to somehow comfort themselves. I planted a red rose at her feet, and a white rose at his feet. A few years later, the vines had intertwined and formed one great bush, which in bloom was a sight to behold. Emptying the house and executing the will fell to me, and I did all that was requested. I did not expect the house to be given to me, but it was. However, whilst I couldn't bear to sell it, I felt uneasy in the house knowing that the two people I associated with it most were never going to come back again. I ignored it, put it to the back of my mind, and carried on with my life. A voice I rarely heard told me to go and visit it a few times. It told me that the solution to my restless heart lay in that house, but I refused to listen. The voice became softer everytime I ignored it, and within a few weeks, I heard it no more. Now fate was forcing me to visit.

---

It was not as bad as I expected, or so I thought when gazing at it from the outside. The lawn was probably more accurately described as a mini-jungle, but 10 years of disregard would do that to any lawn. The inset square stones were still present, albeit cracked, with weeds growing out of them, but I was still able to walk right up to the door, as I used to all those years ago. When I was a child, it was a game for me to skip all the way from garden gate to door on the inset squares. Today, I would only walk on them. Up close, the paint on the house and on the door was in the final stages of flaking. Weeds and vines had completely claimed the whole of one side of the house, all the way up to the second storey. The key just about fit into the lock, and only turned after a struggle. It was clear from the thick layer of dust that I needn't have locked the door all those years ago - I was still the last person to have visited. As I reached into my pocket for a torch and stepped in, I wondered if I should have brought her with me.

---

Would she have come, though? Was it still repairable? I had no idea. Whatever spark we had at the beginning seemed to be genuine, but as the years went past it faded, and now we lived together, more out of routine than actually wanting to. We didn't hate each other (not yet, anyway), but we had become somewhat indifferent. Somewhere along the line we accepted this, and whilst we wanted a return to better days, neither of us were willing to put the effort in.

---

I walked gingerly around the house. I tested the electricity and the water, but I did not expect either to be working. I was right. I still felt odd around the house, but was a lot more at ease then when I was last here all those years ago. Maybe I had over-reacted in trying to forget about the place. I glimpsed the garden that was once my grandfather's pride and joy through the kitchen window, and it took some time before I realised that that was what I was looking at. And here my conscience stung me. He had made that small patch into a miniature heaven on earth, filling it with beauty, and harmony, and serenity. And I had let all that drift away because I didn't want to be reminded of losing him. Maybe I hadn't over-reacted in trying to forget the place. However, try as I might, I was not able forget, or stop myself from remembering the most powerful, inspirational conversation I had ever had in my life.

---

I remember being asked by my grandfather if he wanted me to check the garden with him. I looked up from my phone screen, and politely declined. I used to love being in the garden when I was a child. That was before I discovered screens. First there was the TV screen that kept me occupied and silent, and taught me things that maybe my parents in retrospect wish that I never learned. Then I graduated to a computer screen, where I learned to get addicted to the feeling of always being connected, which set me up nicely for when I moved up a level, and ended up with the small screen of a smartphone as an extension of self. When I did decline his offer, I was sure he felt some pang of sadness, but he did not show it. He left me to my device, and went to take care of his. If it wasn't for my grandmother, who took me aside and gently told me that I was missing out on quality time with my grandfather, and that the chance may never come again to spend such with him, I would not have decided to go see my grandfather in the garden. That my grandmother confiscated my phone until I saw him also helped my decision.

---

I gasped when I stepped out into the garden. My grandfather was a true artist, and his canvas was green. I watched him at work without announcing myself, and saw the loving tenderness with which he did every job that needed to be done, and how they all fit into some master plan. In the corner was a budding orange tree, which would be ripe within a few weeks. I saw him cut out all the buds, and leave them in the grass near the roots, and couldn't contain my curiosity. I asked him why he just did that, when he could easily have had delicious fruit in a few weeks, and he responded with one word. "Patience". He explained that whilst he could easily have enjoyed the fruit this year, the tree still needed to grow, and that when it was fully established, then the fruit would be exceptionally tasty. But we had to let go of sweetness sometimes in the present, to enjoy it multiplied in the future. I was stunned. I asked him where his insight came from.

"We humans always want the lazy way out. We always want instant gratification. We somehow know - we always know - that the best things in life are what we have to work hard and put the time in for, but we still dream of laziness. This is why all the get-rich-quick schemes exist, and also why they fail. This garden is my own reminder to myself that such don't pay, and they never will. And never is that more true in relationships. You can never build a strong bond without patience, love, trust, tolerance, sacrifice, and time."

And how did he end up learning that? "Your grandmother. She said nearly exactly the same words to me when we were going through a rough patch between ourselves, and I was just getting stared with gardening and impatient at my lack of progress. Only she could tie the two together with enough skill to make it seem obvious to anyone. She's sharper and wiser than anyone will ever give her credit for."

---

With that memory replaying itself over and over in my head, I stepped into the garden. If you looked hard enough, you could see where the patterns in the garden used to be by how the wild plants were growing. What was not mistakable was the massive orange tree that dominated its area, though even here it was surrounded by weedlings. Dangling from its branches were the fruits of unpicked harvest. Orange after orange, a few dozen, most ripe, all hung from a crisscrossed mesh of brown and green. I knew then what I had to do. I knew why my soul had been nagging me to visit here. it's not very often that you find the solution to your present problems in your very own past, but there you go. Maybe I never really learned it the first time it was explained to me.

---

There was a shed in the garden, and the key was in the keyring with the house keys, which were with me. I opened the musty door, not without force, and groped about till i found what I was looking for. A watering can. I struggled to find water, because the company had cut off the supply years ago, when suddenly I recalled an old rain tank built on top of the shed. It hadn't rained in a while, but I was still hoping that there was enough residue to fill the watering can at least once. There was enough to fill it up to three quarters, and that, I guess would have to do.

I watered the orange tree. Nobody had watered or trimmed the tree for years, so enough of the fruit was dangling low enough for me to reach out and pick them without even stretching, and I did. It was a weird feeling to be the one picking fruit and watering the plant, and sensing some sort of link to the last person to have done so. I bit into the orange and felt like I must have tasted some otherworldly fruit. It was perfect. I muttered both a thank you and a prayer under my breath for both of my grandparents.

When I was done, I picked up the phone, and asked her to meet me where I was. I was kinda surprised when she agreed so readily, but I think I sounded different, more confident, more sure of myself, and maybe that piqued her interest. I would have 30 minutes alone before she came. I spent them all sitting in the shade of the orange tree.

---

"Aren't these oranges heavenly?"
"Perfect. Now, what did you invite me here for? Just to sit under an orange tree?"
"Not exactly. Did I ever tell you about my grandparents?"
"You only ever mentioned them in passing"
"Well, I have a lot to tell you"
"I have time."
"Well, both my grandfather and grandmother were very astute people. And from them I think I've finally learned something about relationships."
"It's about time. Do tell"
"Believe it or not, it's linked to this very orange tree. More than 10 years ago, I…"

---

[END]

Saturday, 21 July 2012

Panem et Circenses


In His Name, the Most High

Literally, from the Latin, meaning: "Bread and Circuses".

Basically, a policy used by the politicians of Rome, during its heyday, and leading to its decline. The politicians placated the masses by making sure they were well fed, and well entertained. They were selected, elected, not on who would be the best public servant, but on who would provide the most entertainment, and make sure the bread never was in short supply.

Sound familiar? It should. We here in the West are headed that way, if we are not already there, and the rest of the world does not get so lucky.

From the food point of view, there is this incredible delivery network and infrastructure that means that food is readily, readily available to all of the population. And it's cheap too…relatively speaking. I read somewhere (I think, Affluenza by Oliver James) that this generation, and the one just before, has, proportionally speaking, spent less of its income on food than any other generation in the whole of history. This means that, whilst a massive number of people in the world starve themselves to sleep, we have it on tap. Food supermarkets leverage massive economies of scale to make it cheap for us, and buy and stock so much that it just cheapen it, lessens its value in our life.

And entertainment? Do I even need to ask this question? Every house has a TV set. Cinema is big business, with blockbusters grossing hundreds of millions of dollars, and streaming/ on-demand in the early stages of taking off in a big, big way. Sports are big business, with stadiums seating tens of thousands of people at a go, watching the modern equivalent of gladiatorial battles, which are also televised across the globe. Music sells by the truckload, and malls are pretty much thronged with people (maybe not as much as before, but still).

All distraction. And when people live lives of ease, and all this is placed within easy reach, few really think about it. It becomes a sort of default. People will take the path of least resistance, and it flows into other aspects of their life. And the politicians will learn, and begin to expect that the electorate doesn't really care for their fellow human beings, and that they can get away with a lot more than they think possible, as long as they keep the domestic affairs running smoothly.

Gah. There has to be a better way

------

Of all the things that could spark such thoughts, The Hunger Games series is probably among the most unlikely. Nevertheless, this is true. This is the point where I recommend them, and yes, indeed, read them.

Sunday, 15 July 2012

Sunday Mornings.

In His Name, the Most High

I love Sunday mornings. This is my absolute favourite time of the week.

I mentioned before that the local mosque has a lovely, lively fajr programme on Sundays. This will be discontinued as their month of Ramadhan programme takes over (and I accept that the programme will be better. Of course it will be), but I will miss it nonetheless.

There's a handful of us. Sometimes, we have a little bit more than one handful, but less than two. We pray Fajr in congregation, then follows a short tafseer of the Quran. Then we have chai, and biscuits, and sit with each other for about an hour, sometimes two, in conversation. There is no defined structure, its just ideas and stuff sparking of thoughts and ideas from others.

I don't speak much, but I do listen a lot. There's a generation gap between myself and the others that attend. I am the youngest attendee, and it just feels in so many ways that I'm looking at the future. My future. A possible future, if I work hard at it. Not in terms of like where I'll be or what I will be doing, but in like the challenges that will come ahead, and how I should deal with them, if/when they do come. For they will come, that's for sure.

It's lovely, and makes me smile just thinking about it. This is something that especially I am grateful for, and I make the most of it and attend every session because I honestly don't know how long I'll have it for. Alhamdulillah for being a neighbour to the mosque. I have no idea where I will be in the future, but I will try my utmost to work it so that I can always be close to a mosque.

inshaAllah.

I

Saturday, 14 July 2012

On Wasted Days and Limiting Beliefs


In His Name, the Most High

Are you a morning person or an evening person? The proper answer is…does it matter? (I'm a morning person, just for reference).

I have previously used my tendency as an excuse for excusing away wasted days. My belief was that I needed to rise with the larks and be productive during the early hours of the morning if the rest of the day was to be a success. If I failed in those crucial hours, then I was pretty much guaranteed to lose the day. And it makes sense, kinda. Victory begets victory. And really, there are few things like a streak of "small wins" in the early morning to set a positive tone for the rest of the day.

Which is all very well when it works, and you're able to consistently get up early and have productive days. It is, however, also extremely defeatist should you _not_ manage to get up early and put together a streak of small wins. Such a mindset allows you to then not really try for the rest of the day, which, in some way, is lying to yourself, and denying your own potential for growth.

I came to this realisation through a most unusual way (for me). Over the past 3 months, my sleeping habits have been completely destroyed. There is literally no regularity in them (which doesn't bug me per se. I'm speaking from a purely observational point of view here). There are days when I sleep early wake up early. And there are nights when I stay up till fajr, and then sleep, and wake up later in the day (I never imagined I'd be among the latter class, but in the grand scheme of things its just another reminder that I really should never say never).

On the days that I would wake up late, I would struggle to get anything done. And after a few days - it hit me. I was subscribing to a limiting belief. We have all these beliefs in our head that we don't examine and try and figure out where they came from. When you do examine them, perhaps you can tell where it came from, or what planted it, or what thought process led it to be accepted by your brain. Or you can look at it and acknowledge that the idea is wrong, and should be replaced by other, better ones.

Observe the evolution:

- I'm a morning person.

- I'm a morning person, and having a few small wins early on in the day really helps me have productive days

- I'm a morning person, and having a few small wins early on in the day really helps me have productive days. However, I lose the rest of the day if I don't achieve this.

The first statement is explicit. However, implicit in that first statement are the two that follow, only we don't know that we unconsciously accept the (limiting) implications as well, and they affect us.

Compare:

- I'm a morning person.

- I'm a morning person, and having a few small wins early on in the day really helps me have productive days

- I'm a morning person, and having a few small wins early on in the day really helps me have productive days. However, should I fail to do such, I can still be reasonably productive for the rest of the day.

- I'm a morning person, and having a few small wins early on in the day really helps me have productive days. However, should I fail to do such, I can still be reasonably productive for the rest of the day, and maybe even surprise myself.

First statement is explicit. Second is implicit, like above. Third and fourth are explicit again, because I've thought it through and decided to plant it in my head. And really, why not? Every day is a blessing that needs to be acknowledged and appreciated, and hiding behind some silly morning/evening person excuse isn't really going to do me any good.

And there we go. The main point of what I was trying to say (my apologies for taking so long). Every second, every breath is yet another opportunity to do seize, to use, to make something with, for we never really know how long we are given. A wasted day here and there may not feel like much, but cumulatively, the cost is too great to ignore.

Go do something. You already know what you have to do. Go do it.

Now.

I.

PS: I am not saying we should work ourselves to the bone. Rest is important too. I will cover that later as well. iA.

Tuesday, 10 July 2012

Three, and Three, and Three More


In His Name, The Most High

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful;
[103:1] I swear by the Time,
[103:2] Most surely man is in loss
[103:3] Except those who believe and do good, and enjoin on each other truth, and enjoin on each other patience.


In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful;
[108:1] To thee have We granted the Fount (of Abundance).
[108:2] Therefore to thy Lord turn in Prayer and Sacrifice
[108:3] For he who hateth thee, he will be cut off (from Future Hope).


In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful;
[110:1] When there comes the help of Allah and the victory,
[110:2] And you see men entering the religion of Allah in companies,
[110:3] Then celebrate the praise of your Lord, and ask His forgiveness; surely He is oft-returning (to mercy).

Monday, 9 July 2012

Sweden, April-May 2012, Pictures


In His name, the Most High












Sunday, 8 July 2012

Its funny….

… how things work out.

Before I forget: In His Name, the Most High

I quit my job on the Friday 13th (unlucky for some, lucky for me) of April. It was a nice, comfortable  job, to be sure, but someway along the way, a whole number of different factors came together at exactly the right time, and I just knew it was time to leave that job and head off into the unknown. So I did.

A whirlwind week later, I found myself in Sweden for the first time in 11 years. Now Sweden I intend to cover in a blog post on it's own, but it definitely would not have happened had I not quit my job. Moreover, I only intended to go visit for 4 days, but I ended up staying for a month. Again -  a somewhat perfect confluence of circumstances. I had no job to go back to, so could stay as long as I wanted in Sweden.

4 weeks was enough, and I came back a different person. Alhamdulillah. It was needed, and I am so, so grateful for that. I look back on it and wonder how everything fell into place, and how I never would have been able to put the pieces together myself like that. Alhamdulillah x 100.

Anyway. Now I'm back, I have been for a while. Other things are happening in my life that I am grateful for. I now live 3 mins walk away from my local mosque. It's something I never had in Norfolk,  and I make full use of it as much as possible; including a lovely, lovely Sunday morning fajr programme. My address book is slowly, slowly picking up the details of khojas (the two things are somewhat related). I finally went to a wedding and broke my 13-year no-wedding streak. My grandparents live on the same road as the mosque, and now I have nearly daily contact with them. My kutchi and gujarati comprehension and speaking has improved exponentially (again, the two things are somewhat related).

For now, Alhamdulillah. I am at peace, more than I have been for a long, long time. Alhamdulillah for times like these, for I must remember Allah in the good times, if I want him to remember me in the tough times.

-------

Day by day. That is all. Life goes on. And yes, sometimes things do fall into place.

I

Revival

In His Name, the Most High

So, I'm blogging again. A full-ish update will come, iA. My mind is racing, is not at ease, but this is in a good way, as I skip (sometimes gracefully, sometimes not) from idea to idea, and back again, thinking and pondering about wayyy too many things. Eventually I remember to note one idea down for later, and from this I have a short-ish but growing list of stuff I will blog about. Soon. inshaAllah, if I am given the chance.

Nice to meet you all again.

Also, if you're sick of my writings (and even if you're not), please visit this blog:

http://peppermintprose.livejournal.com/

It's absolutely lovely. You can thank me later.

I

Thursday, 5 July 2012

The Father of Dust

Upon catching sight of that glorious dome
Which in every light seems to glisten
My heart immediately made a new home
And to it, I couldn't help but listen

Here is buried the master of free men
Paragon of virtue upon virtue in life
That earth hosts no loftier denizen
Equal composure in blessing and strife

Buried in secret, in the dead of the night
Now Najaf radiates a spiritual light
Drawing all those who salute his right
And keep alive remembrance of his life.

Feet finding the path of millions before
And I run before the opportunity goes
Finding my way without needing to see
The Father of Dust is calling to me

Ya Ali (as)

-----

I wish. This is my imagination only.

One day, iA

Tuesday, 20 March 2012

Hiatus...

Stuff I could write about right now:

- Turning 24
- Searching for absolution
- The final decimation of my childhood book collection
- A Hadith about the end of times that's been weighing on me
- Patience in a world of instant gratification.
- Feeling somewhat alienated recently from just about anyone and anything.
- Living without my phone for 2 weeks 
- Apple hitting $500 and then $600/share
- Despite the above, a growing away from tech
- A growing away from sport
- Continuing the "like a glitch..." series
- Some other musings, especially on politics and today's world.
- Economic/ Institutional problems
- Poetry ideas
- Fiction ideas

Among other things. The truth is that I don't feel like writing anymore. Looking at the list, I definitely have enough to say, to be sure, but my heart just isn't into it. You can see it in the posts I've tried to make since the start of the year. I might not have made every line fizz and bubble with exuberance and wit, but at least previously I could explain myself coherently. Now I can't even do that, and I seriously worry that I won't be able to do so for a very long time.

I don't know what's wrong, but until I do fix it, I think I need to take a break from a whole bunch of things, writing included. I plan to leave my current job soon too, despite not having a replacement lined up (duas on that front please).

It's time to take a break. Right now I don't know whether this shall be a permanent break or a temporary one. Time will tell.

Finally, for the nearly four years that this blog has existed, thank you. If you read, commented, recommended to a friend, whatever. I'm grateful for every page view, and if my random stuff made your life even slightly better, or brought a smile to your face, then it was worth it for me.

Farewell for now,

Imran.

PS: I will still respond to comments whilst the blog is still live. Might not be very quick in doing so though.

PPS: Apparently this is my 250th post. Wow.

Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Like a Glitch in the Matrix…Part III

Part I
Part II

When I first began to lay out my thoughts in the sequence you see, I thought that the solution was simple. Become a hermit-y scholar, and spend my days in wilderness somewhere, engaged only in worship, reflection, meditation, and study. I would only work as much as I needed to be able to meet my needs. Why not? Except that such a decision is, in its essence, running away. A man posed this question to one of the Imams (as), and the response given was that it is better for man to live in society than alone (my apologies - I don't have a reference. I'll look for one). It is too easy to be a saint in isolation, and a lot harder to be one around people. Yet such is the challenge, for good things don't come easy.

So. Living in this world, which I now begin to see as an illusion. I can't run away from it. How, then to conduct myself?

Only one way.

As an agent of Allah, with one (or both) eyes on the Day of Judgement.

To be continued. Duas always welcome

Friday, 3 February 2012

Like a Glitch in the Matrix…Part II

Part I

My apologies if in my previous post I sounded too mystical, or knowing more than what I do. That was not my intention. If our knowledge can be represented by a circle, then as what we know increases, and the circle expands, then so does its circumference, which would then represent our awareness of what we don't know, or the border between our knowledge, and our ignorance. Truly, the more you know, the more [you become aware of what] you don't know.

Anyway - so, we've established that I'm beginning to feel like this world is illusory.

Now what?

Well, a clarification, to start with. I'm not saying that our senses deceive us. What we see, touch and feel, taste, hear, smell is real enough. The mistake is in thinking that the physical world that our senses give us access to is the only one. There is more to this life. Much, much more. There is a spiritual dimension to this life, and the soul will live on even after the body withers and dies. Obviously, as a Muslim I should know this already, but I get distracted enough. And the illusion and associated distractions are very pretty, very well made, though I really shouldn't hide behind that as an excuse, nor do I plan to.

Given the illusory nature of the world, however, do I really want to spend my life focused on the wrong things? Clearly, there are things that are important, and there are things that are not important. Soulless, materialistic acquisition of shiny toys, spending time in petty disputes and squabbles, enjoying the pleasures of this life perhaps a little too much…can all go under one column.

But what goes in the other column? Well, us. The life we lead, and the choices we make. What is very, very real are our actions, as they affect both our current and next lives, and these have to be chosen very carefully, and very deliberately.

------

To be continued. Duas always welcome.

Saturday, 21 January 2012

Like a Glitch in the Matrix.....

Whenever something goes wrong at work, and someone asks me why a certain thing fails/ is failing, I normally just shrug and say “Dont worry about it, it's just a glitch in The Matrix". It is self explanatory for anyone who has actually seen The Matrix (1999). If you haven't, I recommend it. But what happens when you say that to someone who hasn't seen it? Then you have to explain what the phrase means, and then how you mean it, and so on.

Without ruining the plot of the movie too much, I always say that there is a glitch in the Matrix when something just happens even though everything should be ok. It's like a computer program that is working fine, but all of a sudden, there's some sort of bug, and it stops working, and you don't know why.

But the deeper meaning, both in the movie, and in real life, is that such glitches reveal the nature of life, which is that of a very sophisticated illusion, and only glitches raise the veil and make you ponder.

Recently I've become more and more aware of the illusory nature of life (reading Emerson really helps, as do crises that shake you to the very core of your being), and I'm beginning to wonder what it is I'm actually doing to work for the real, real life, ie, the one to follow.

The illusion breaks for me in random places. It's like a glimpse with the heart - instinctive gestalt, not easy to describe, and the best way I can explain it... is that you're looking at a series of dots on a piece of paper, and suddenly you see all the dots joined up and a perfectly clear image is rendered, and then when you look again, it's just a series of dots on a piece of paper. Yet you still can't forget what you saw, and you rack your brains trying to think of what it was. Only your brain cannot help...you didn't see it with your eyes...you felt it with your heart, and the heart does not give up its secrets easily - and you have to tease it out almost, and use metaphors and stories and poetry to only hint at what you feel.

And what do I feel? That, more than ever, this life is illusory, transient, and fragile, and that I need to do what I can everyday to reinforce and truly internalise it. There is more, but I have to tease it out, and be patient. This could take years.

Pray for me, please.

Saturday, 7 January 2012

2012

7 days into 2012 and one of the longest running traditions on my blog is now broken. There was no long review of 2011, or an equally lengthy set of resolutions or plans for 2012. For those who loved my long, pontificatory entries, where I gave myself high-ish undeserved grades for the year gone past, and set myself beautifully abstract goals for the year ahead...well, I might still do one (or indeed, two) of those. I have a good idea of what such posts would contain, so it wouldnt be hard, but I just dont feel like doing them right now. If I do end up doing them, then it will be by January, or else it won't happen at all.

It's hard to explain (but I guess I'll try anyway, lol). I've read two accounts of a trip to Ziyarat, to visting the holy shrines in Karbala and Najaf, and they, more than anything awake this longing in me to go visit. Please read them (I and II). Next to these, all else pales in comparison. My own personal struggles and failings, and disappointments and frustrations, (of which there are many), my own haphazard attempts to navigate the course of my life, and various other banalities, all fade away. What they write so beautifully and eloquently, that, that is what I want, and nothing more.

In my moments of quietness and peace, which have been few and far between recently, they are what I keep on coming back to. In the end, this is what it is all about, and I hope one day soon to be invited there. All else is secondary.